


Insomnia

by sheisnotthebeast



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015)
Genre: F/M, My Beautiful Trash Son, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Sleep Deprivation
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-12-31
Updated: 2015-12-31
Packaged: 2018-05-10 14:49:42
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 858
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5590312
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sheisnotthebeast/pseuds/sheisnotthebeast
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Fingers curling against her neck, a breath against her ear, lips pressing against-<br/>Her forehead resting on exotic cloth, the too familiar body of-<br/>Someone else’s breathing, whispers saying-</p><p>“Rey. I know something something is wrong."</p>
            </blockquote>





	Insomnia

When his fingers graze her mind, she dreams of someone carrying her, pressing her face into their chest and waking up immobile. As she carves a space in his mind, she realizes it wasn’t a dream. 

It's worse.

But the night she returns the Saber to Luke, only to have it handed back to her, she does dream. And this, she thinks, is when it began.

 

. . .

 

_Fingers curling against her neck, a breath against her ear, lips pressing against-_

_Her forehead resting on exotic cloth, the too familiar body of-_

_Someone else’s breathing, whispers saying-_

 

“Rey. I know something is wrong.”

It was morning, but her room was still dark from the makeshift curtains she spread over her window. Humid, salt from the air outside. And still, it was cold.

All the warmth that had fooled her just moments before leaked off her skin. Her own fingers snaked up to rest on her cheek, hoping to make it last another moment, but there was nothing to capture. She was alone. Alone. 

So lonely on that planet for all those years.

Empty.

“Rey, when was the last time you slept?”

Sleeping. She used to curl into the wreckage she’d salvaged for herself, nearly killing a man -not a man but a beast- over. This was like the early days, when nothing close her eyes. Dreaming wasn’t always lips trailing, the caress of a palm, arms around her waist, warmth. It was a familiar face that she could not remember, coming to rescue her like it had promised. A ship diving down to meet her, eventually becoming _“I always knew you’d come back,” “We missed you,” “We had no choice,” “I love you.”_

“Rey, answer me.”

A man kneels in front of her and she doesn’t remember sitting up.

“Master Skywalker?” She says, and she doesn’t mean it to sound like a question, though it obviously is, and comes out as one. 

Yes. Yes. She asked for space to practice, and he left. She doesn’t know where he goes, doesn’t ask, knowing he certainly won’t tell. 

It was now three months since she first sought Luke Skywalker out, and the same time period since the visions began. In her dreams, then lingering after she’s woken, and now preventing her from sleeping at all.

She hasn’t slept more than five hours in the week he’s been gone.

Everything is blurry but it’s not, it’s just not registering and she’s crying and doesn’t know why, she just wants to close her eyes, but she can’t, please she needs to, everything is too much, oh god, what’s happening-

“Rey, look at me. You need to tell me what’s wrong,” he’s saying, but now she’s sobbing.

She doesn’t like this. She doesn’t like this at all. This is not her. It can’t be. It terrifies her too much to think that this is what she’s become. Weak.

_“Your scared you’ll never be as powerful as-“_

Her master, the one she’d thought was to scarred to care for a new padawan, is genuinely scared, she can feel it without the force to help her, and if she wasn’t terrified maybe she would be relieved.

She’s not crying now, but her eyes are red, she can feel the burning that only comes from them unable to shut, irritated further with tears.

Master Skywalker pauses, and wraps his arms around her own. It’s awkward yes, he’s still tense, he’s always tense around her, ready if she betrays. But he means well, and she let’s herself relax enough for the both of them.

“I don’t know what’s happening to me,” she says. It’s a lie, maybe. But the truth is, she doesn’t understand.

A hand, this one real and rough and generally unsatisfying, rests on her temple.

He’s inside her head again no not again please it was supposed to be over no stop “no, no, get out, **get out, stop, STOP.”**

He’s across the room as soon as her vision clears.

“I thought you would have pushed me out. I didn’t realize you- I didn’t mean to hurt you.”

She can’t meet his eyes. Once able to read her trained enemy’s own mind with a power she never had used, she cannot put up an ounce of resistance to another’s intrusion.

“Its alright,” she whispers, clearing her throat and standing up, dizzy but trying desperately to put on a show, “you saw, right? He’s there. Always. I can’t close my eyes for more than a minute before he just starts whispering.”

“What does he say?”

“You saw,” she says, bitterly and somehow still ashamed.

“I want to hear it from you, Rey.”

“Please, I don’t-“

“Rey, I want to be sure you didn’t accidentally shield me.”

 

_Fingers tracing the outline of her face, chest weighed down as possessive arms chain her, warmth grows where his lips touch, warmth that she can’t help but miss and never want to go back to, the sun kissing her skin on Jakku, she can feel lashes on her temple, breath against her ear, and then-_

_“I want you here with me.”_

_“You miss me.”_

_“Rey.”_

_“Rey.”_

_“I can feel it too.”_  
. . .

**Author's Note:**

> Don't want to disappoint anyone, so I want to say that this isn't going to be Dark(er)!Kylo Ren. I want to have him more in character, and I get the sense he is a more sensitive and caring person than he wants to be. 
> 
> I want to write more, but I'm not sure when I'll have time to write so chapters may be sporadic until I can get a bit ahead. I do have a general plan, but this is my first fic, so any suggestions/criticism is appreciated!


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